It's supposed to be day 6 of being grateful.
I'm even on my second try.
I'm already behind.
Because here is the thing about grateful.
I usually think of myself as deeply grateful because I can - very easily - make a list a mile long of good things in my life.
But it comes with a catch.
I have Guilt.
Deep, ingrained Guilt.
Guilt that follows as a shadow to every good thing in my life. Guilt that makes me wait constantly for the Bad Thing that I know must be coming to happen. There is no rhyme or reason to the good I have. So it sits uneasily with me.
And I don't think guilt and grateful can exist together. I think that as long as I have all these stupid, ridiculous (selfish?) angsty thoughts of guilt, they impede the ability to be truly grateful.
True gratitude means accepting the compliment.
Saying thank you. Without any disclaimers.
You know how to do that don't you? It's easy...right?
Yeah. I thought so.
True gratitude means appreciating the good in your life.
Withouth guilt.
Without comparison.
Without question marks.
Without misplaced ego.
The trick to all this is to find a way to be grateful with humility.
I'm not sure I have this all straight yet. I wish I was a better writer. I wish I could figure my way through this more eloquently. But I do know I need to work on this. To try to learn how to be grateful without tempering the joy that should come with it.
Because gratitude isn't worth much if it comes tempered by anything.
