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Pink

(baby sewing)

Pink. I'm not really a pink person. Don't think I ever have been. Yellow, blue, green, orange...those are my colors.

Finding out that we are having a girl has been oddly difficult. Everyone says how "hard" girls are. I'm one of three girls and I would say I have to agree. Then there are basic logistics: I already have so much BOY stuff. And know about potty training boys. Boys can share a room. I really, really like little boys. They are awesome.

Also, boys don't wear pink.

I said when I found out: NO PINK. Orange? Green? Yellow? Blue? Sure. No Pink.

But then I started making things for this little girl. Simple stuff. Because I believe every baby should have a few handmade things that belong just to them. A few swaddling blankets. A little comforter. A small hanging to go on the wall abover her crib. And I found myself leaning towards...pink. Intermixed with all sorts of other colors....but the overall the effect? Definitely "girl".

And you know what? I don't hate it. I'm surprised, but looking at the stack of little things I've made for her, I feel happy. So I have to learn my lesson yet again. The lesson that tells me the place to be is never on one end or the other. It's somewhere balanced in the middle.

Pink isn't so bad if it comes with green. And after two little boys, I'm guessing a girl is going to balance out our family in ways none of us can yet forsee.

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 Playing along - Week 5 of Bella's 52 Photos project

Movement

where my feet used to be....

 

There is movement all around me but this...THIS belly is the center of everything related to me and movement right now.

I have 6 more weeks (give or take) of feeling like a beached whale. My own personal movement is awkward and slow. And sometimes painful. In very stark constrast to the constant movement of my 3 and 5 year old boys  climbing and spinning, jumping and running around and past me.

But there is also all the other movement. Inside. She is a serious wiggler this one. My whole belly moves  - you can see it. It often looks like I might have a jumping bean inside. It feels like that constantly.

There is the movement of my body preparing. My hips loosening.

There is the movement of my brain. Constantly preparing. Considering. Planning. Working to think of what needs to happen both before and after the appearance of this little one.

There is the movement of my heart and consciousness gradually coming to the reality of having a new baby in my arms soon. Making room for this third child. The fifth member of our family. The first daughter and only little sister.

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 Playing along - Week 4 of Bella's 52 Photos project

Week 3: Where We Meet

(Nags Head, October 2011)

There is no coffee shop. Or regular meeting with friends. I am lucky to gather people in my house sometimes. But I wish..I long for lunches or evenings together regularly.

Some of it is where I live - in the city but an odd little corner that is just far enough away from everything and everyone else to make it feel like an effort.

Some of it is the fact that I have a family and job that keep me happy,  busy - and tired.

Some of it is my deeply ingrained home-body instincts: putting my house in order, baking, making, lying in the hammock in my yard make me deeply happy.

But mostly, it's about where the people I love and connect with are. They are in Australia. In Belgium. In the UK. In Canada. In Utah. In California. In Oregon. In New Jersey. In Delaware. In Massachusetts. In Vermont.....you get the idea.

These things happen - people move. Or you connect with people but they don't actually live where you do. This is how the world is.

And in return we get Facebook...Yay! Right? Hmmmm.

So anyway, a few years ago through a series of threads and whispering's in my ear,  I ended up driving 7 hours from Baltimore to Nags Head at the end of October to hang out with a bunch of women I'd never met before for 4 days. It was soul stretching. Heart aching. Deeply peaceful. I learned things about myself I hadn't gone there to learn. I met people I still adore. And still talk to. I even went back the following year. And I would go this year, but I have a baby arriving who messed with those plans. I will go again.

This is where I meet people who I connect with in ways I don't connect with anyone else.
This is where I meet myself and am able to see and recognize myself in a way I don't at home.
This is where I see things differently.
This is where I open my eyes and heart.
This is where magic happens for me.

Magic by the way is a concept my quietly cynical self has a hard time with so that is a big deal.

Oh and that baby I'm going to have? I made her there. I've done the math. She was deciding to stay..forming..implanting... while I was sitting on that beach last October. I'm hoping some of the magic rubs off on her.

Playing along - Week 3 of Bella's 52 Photos project